New Definitions

Cigarette:
A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a
fool on the other.
 
Divorce:
Future tense of marriage.
 
Lecture:
An art of transferring information from the notes of the
Lecturer to the notes of the students without passing
through "the minds of either"
 
Conference:
The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.

Compromise:
The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody
believes he got the biggest piece.

Tears:
The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is
defeated by feminine water power...
 
Dictionary:
A place where success comes before work.
 
Conference Room:
A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and
everybody disagrees later on.
 
Classic:
A book which people praise, but do not read.
 
Smile:
A curve that can set a lot of things straight.
 
Office:
A place where you can relax after your strenuous
home life.

Yawn:
The only time some married men ever get to open their
mouth.