What would you attempt to do, If you knew you could not fail?

 
 

1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately

clear your computer history if you die.

 

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when

you realize you're wrong.

 

3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when

I was younger.

 

4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.

 

5. How the h#ll are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

 

6. Was learning cursive really necessary?

 

7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5. I'm

pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

 

8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you

how the Person died.

 

9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

 

10. Bad decisions make good stories.

 

11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment

at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything

productive for the rest of the day.

 

12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blu

Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.

 

13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it

asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page research paper

that I swear I did not make any changes to.

 

14. "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash

this - ever.

 

15. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello?

Hello? D@mn it!), but when I immediately call back, it rings

nine times and goes to voice mail. What did you do after I

didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?

 

16. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then

not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

 

17. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I

know not to answer when they call.

 

18. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

 

19. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given

Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.

 

20. I wish Google Maps had an  "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.

 

21. Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was

younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was

going on when I first saw it.

 

22. I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each

hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

 

23. The only time I look forward to a red light is when I'm

trying to finish a text.

 
 

 

24. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom

and hunger.

 

25. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you

just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a

word they said?

 

26. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars

team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay

strong, brothers and sisters!

 

27. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never

get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

 

28. Is it just me or do high school kids get dumber & dumber

every year?

 

29. There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure

you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.

 

30. As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate

drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always

hate cyclists.

 

31. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and

still not know what time it is.

 

32. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating

their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and

Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet my @$$ everyone can

find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7

seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time!